A Struggling Pastors Wife

Everything we do and say is under a microscope by everyone including family.  When we try to help maybe we are a bit blunt but it's because we love a little harder.  Sometimes when we say things they are taken out of context because we are the Pastor's Wife, otherwise nothing would ever be said.  We try our best just like everyone else but for some reason it's just never good enough.  There's always something different we could have said, something different we could have done, another road we could have traveled. 

Your exactly right there is!  Why he chose me as the Pastor's Wife, I have no idea.  I can't talk to anyone without being accused of gossiping.  I can't talk of anything I buy without being accused of boasting.  I can't brag about my kids without being accused of comparing them to someone else's kids. I can't brag about my husband's job accomplishments without being accused of bragging.  I can't try to help people without being accused of it being my fault...been down that road too.  I get accused of hatred when I remove negativity from my life, but anyone else is given advice to remove negativity from their life.  I post things on social media just like everyone else does on social media.  Maybe it is for someone, maybe it isn't.  Maybe I post it because it touches me; my soul.  Maybe, someone comes to mind and I post it hoping they will read it and decide on a life changing decision.  Maybe they read it and don't care.  

I get told to give mercy where I have given mercy over and over and over again.  But I do it anyway.  When does it stop??  When is it enough?  When is it going to be enough?  When do I get mercy?  I feel less than adequate now.  I already feel like I shouldn't have been picked for this job.  I try to always look out for the little guy...you know the person that no one is looking out for.  Thank God for knowing my heart because if it weren't for him I don't know where I would be.  I was told by many Pastor Wives this would be a hard position and they were not joking.  Lots of days it's just me and God.

                                            G. P. W. L.

                                          Melissa Harris