Finding Faith in Infertility

So this one will probably be long as well but please stay tuned, it will be good.  When our DJ was turning two years old we decided that we wanted to start trying to add to our family, this was around March of 2009.  So fast forward about 6 months and I remember telling Dustin that something wasn't right.  It didn't take this long with DJ, in fact, we conceived one month after starting with him.  Of course, he told me it would happen to just be patient, which anyone who knows me knows that patience is something I do not have.  So fast forward to the one year mark and I told him we needed to get checked out.  I went first of course and was told they couldn't find anything wrong, diagnosed with idiopathic infertility.  Dustin went next and nothing major, again, diagnosed as idiopathic infertility.  

Fast forward to year 2, I went back to the doctor and had a test performed that showed I had scar tissue blocking a tube and would need surgery.  At this point we only had a 50% chance of getting pregnant.  Well I was willing to do whatever had to be done to reach our goal of adding to our family.  So I had the surgery done.  Months later still no positive pregnancy test.  During all this time we began to argue and fight and even blame each other.  I cried all the time.  DJ prayed all the time for a baby brother.  It broke my heart to not be able to do the one major thing that God created a woman's body to be able to do; bring life into the world for my family.  Every night I laid in bed and cried myself to sleep watching DJ pray his little tiny heart out.  

Fast forward another year, the doctor gave us the option for infertility medications.  We jumped at the opportunity and began oral medications immediately.  We did this for several months and then used those with IUI's.  This led to no success and even more tears and heartache.  We stopped for a few months.  Now during all of this we were going to church, praying daily and doing what we thought was right.  During this time also I continued to have friends and family members get pregnant and make their announcements.  My sister was one of them and my sister in law.  I can still remember the day my sister in law and big brother (brother in law) announced theirs.  I was crushed, it had already been a really rough week for me.  I walked up to their house with tear filled eyes and it took me a few minutes to say anything but I told them I wanted them to know I was happy for them, for all of us, but to please give me some time to let it sink in.  (This was one of the fiery darts that Satan throws at you!  Except he hit me square in the heart with this one!)  But I can still remember exactly what my big brother said to me.  He said, "you take your time, we completely understand and we are here for ya'll."  My sister in law didn't say a word because she was crying, she had seen my pain for all these years so far, a mother can feel it so she didn't have to say a word.

I called a friend that was a best friend at the time and needed to talk about it.  I told her what happened and what I said and she had a choice word for me.  Something she called me for feeling that way.  Of course, I don't know why I chose to call her, she didn't understand anyway but that was the hard part.  No one I knew during our trial was walking the same path.  But years later she called me and apologized for her choice word because she did get to experience exactly what I went through for about 2 years.  

After our oral meds and IUI's we were offered injectable infertility medicine.  So we tried this for about 6-7 months.  This meant driving to Mobile for ultrasounds and blood work, go home, wait on a call, start shots and come back in two weeks for more blood work and ultrasounds.  Then after leaving on that day they would call before we could even get home and I would cry all the way home from Mobile because they were calling to say your test was Negative.  I shattered on the inside, just completely broken, every single time.  

I found myself getting so mad with God.  I often asked him:  Why me?  Why my family?  Why my son?  Why are you making my son cry like this for a baby brother?  I mean we are good parents and trying to raise him right.  What are we doing wrong?  Sometimes when I was alone in my car I would ask these things and cry and scream at God.  I would demand answers.  Months would go by and I would take test and just know that I was pregnant and the test would still be negative.  Some nights we all three laid in bed together and cried together as a family.  But during this time I realized I couldn't do the fertility stuff anymore.  It was too much, too hard, too expensive.  So we look into adoption from overseas.  Started the paperwork, started interviews, they even talked to DJ.  Then the money part came in and, WOW!  So expensive, just to look for a child for you.  

During this time, Dustin came home one day and told me he had something to tell me.  I was scared to death.  I just knew he was about to say he wanted a divorce.  I mean we have been in some valleys together but we have also been on some great mountains.  I was terrified!!  He said, "I feel like I've been called to preach."  I was shocked, relieved and started balling my eyes out.  So he did, he started preaching and things just started working out differently.  I graduated nursing school and we bought his parents house that he and his brother grew up in.  For the first few weeks we slept in his old bedroom in the house while we did the floors in our master bedroom; which is now our "Miracles" bedroom.  When he felt the call to preach, I felt a tug to get saved.  He was rededicated, we dedicated and baptized DJ, and I was baptized; all as a family.  Then I realized "Faith".  Faith was the only way we were going to get our miracle. 

I had decided that maybe we weren't supposed to have any more biological children.  DJ had lots of cousins at this point so what if we were going to have to take some of them for raising in the future.  You never know when something might happen and someone maybe called home sooner than later.  I prayed then that this wasn't the case but if it became necessary we would be more than willing.  I treat my nieces and nephews just like my own children.  If they need extra love, they get it.  If they need a chin up conversation, they get it.  If they need that butt beat, they can get that too.  Thankfully I don't have to worry about that though, all of us were raised by them "get your butt beat parents", so we are the same.  But I would take them all in if I had to; all 7!!  I even have some that are actually not related nieces and nephews and I would raise them if I had too!!  

So I began to look at things differently.  I began to realize that I didn't know God's plan for my family.  I realized he had a plan and I would see it unfold one day at the time and when it was time.  That didn't mean the crying stopped or the pain went away.  It just got easier.  I cried a lot of Sundays in church and went to the altar a lot for extra prayer but with a different heart.  A heart that knew it was in his time and not my own.  One day after coming home from work I told Dustin I needed a test.  Of course, he said, "Babe, every time you do that it's negative and you get upset and why don't you just wait."  But this time I felt different, I felt like I was glowing, like I was on a cloud, I felt so sure. I was more positive this time than I had ever felt before.  I told him because of my anxiety and migraine prevention medicine I needed to make sure because I was already a day late for my cycle.  He got the test and him and DJ were working on our front door frame, so I had to sneak to the bathroom to take it.  Because if I was wrong again I didn't want to upset DJ.  Now as you can imagine over the years while daydreaming I had thought of all kinds of cute ways I would surprise him and DJ once we got a positive test.  As soon as I took the test I got TWO pink lines and immediately started balling my eyes out.  I walked into the living room where they were and Dustin looked and me and I was holding the test and he began to cry.  Walking toward me with his arms out he said, "Is it, Is it?"  I said, "Yes, we did it, God, did it!"  Meanwhile, DJ is standing behind us because he has no idea what is going on.  He had just turned 8 years old.  He threw his little arms up in the air and he said, "Will somebody please tell me what is going on."  I said, "Bud, Do you see this?"  He said, "Yeah."  I said, "It means your going to be a Big Brother."  That tiny little blue eyed boy started balling his eyes out and wrapped his tiny arms around me and his dad.  Even though I wanted it to be something so special I don't think it could have been any more special than this!!  I will never forget it as long as I live and I cry every time I talk about it and I'm crying while I type it.  

So if anyone is questioning what built our Faith and the massive amount of Faith my son has...here it is!!!  She was born in April of 2015.

So with this said today I what to say to those of you struggling with Infertility:  Don't give up...Just give it to God and have faith.  It's in his time and not our own.

And to those of you that will think about posting those April Fool's Jokes tomorrow about being pregnant:  Don't do it!!  For some of us it's an absolute slap in the face and not amusing or funny at all!!  You're not cute and you're letting Satan Sail Your Ship!!  

And to my sweet angel Elizabeth,

I know you don't understand any of 

this right now but one day you can

look back on this and read YOUR story

and know that YOU brought YOUR family 

closer to GOD and built a massive amount 

of FAITH!  When he chose you for us, he picked

the most beautiful baby flower ever!!!

LOVE YOUR MOMMY  

"Our facebook Announement"

"Proud Big Brother"

"Baseball Brother"

"Proud Brother taking pics"

If you notice in this picture my eyes are closed:  I was thanking God for my blessing.  I remember it like it was yesterday!

One of my favorite photos of these two!

My three hearts!!

Mom's Mini Me

Oh, those eyes!

Mini me again!

Bubba's biggest fan!!

God+Faith=Family of 4

Our Angel

Our Miracle

And she is the reason this is on my right wrist so I can see it always!!

G. P. W. L.

Melissa Harris

Satan met his match!!

The woman you see in this photo is my baby sister.  She has been through so much in her life.  She was in a relationship with someone for 11 years or so and tried for so long to change that person.  She defended him even when defending him wasn't right.  She lived in conditions that were unbearable at times.  She lived in ways that were ridiculous to please him.  She did all of this out of love; love for her 3 children and thinking she needed to stay for them. Regardless of what her family told her and warned her about she still stood by him.  Then one day she decided enough was enough.  She is one of the toughest women I know.  I do mean literally as well.  I grew up with her.  We have always had each other's backs through thick and thin but with this battle I eventually realized I wouldn't win.  My only option was through prayer.  So every single Sunday I sat in church and I prayed and I cried and I pleaded with God to change her heart.  Wake her up and make her see.  The other days of the week I continued to pray and plead with God. I found myself getting so angry sometimes because she has always been so hard headed and wouldn't listen.  I told my husband so many times if I knew grabbing her and shaking or choking her until it sank in would work, I would do it.

But I knew the only way was prayer.  Then one day I got a call, she said, "I left and me and the kids are at mom and dads."  I remember crying like a baby and just looking up at the sky.  Satan had met his match!!  Because while he doesn't give up and he is hard headed and stubborn; Buddy, she is too!!  She met someone awhile later and went from looking like she didn't even have a soul to looking like a "Angel Princess".  She was living in darkness and now she glows with radiant light.  Her children went from being sad all the time to being happy kids again.  She has a good man that works hard and provides everything they need and most of their wants, because well if you know him he has a old soul and you don't need all this new, fancy technology.  But what's amazing is it's perfect!  Because she is that type of woman, she doesn't care about fancy or new, big or small.  She has been at rock bottom and right in the middle is just fine with her.  She doesn't care about the top.  

Once I got that call, I had gotten before, I began to pray for God to give her the strength and courage not to go back this time.  And like I said, Satan met his match because she didn't and prayer works.  She is living the farm life, raising their babies in church with a good man.  Speaking of that good man, it takes a good man to take someone else's kids (not one but 3) and raise them like his own.  A real man to be there to hold them every time their real dad let's them down.  A real man to take the constant blows that their real dad spews out of his mouth.  But again, Satan has met his match because he is stubborn too!!  So just keep letting Satan tell you to act that way because all it does is make this real man love them harder!!!  You going to learn one day!!

"When you don't appreciate what you have, someone else will."

xoxo

   To my sister and brother in law:

        I love you both very much and I'm so glad you found each other.

        I'm so glad that God blessed you with each other and blessed the

        kids with a real man in their lives.  On tough days remember to 

        always hush, and pray, then talk.  Your both stubborn!

        Love you both more than you will ever know,

                    Melissa

                                                                                    G. P. W. L.

                                                                                 Melissa Harris

Gossip or God? Real?

This one may be long but just stick with me.  I have noticed that when I post a blog with a photo attached of a family member or a person of interest I have more readers and views of that blog.  When I post a blog and use a google image for a photo there are less views and readers.  Why do you think that is?  I found myself asking this question.  Is it because people actually thought it was going to contain some type of gushy gossip about the person/people in the image?  Surely not, right?

So yesterday while talking to our, as of today, 14 year old son, I explained to him what I was noticing and explained it to him and asked his opinion.  He said, "Mom, I don't think that's it."  I said, " What do you think it is then."  He said, "I think more people read it because it's more real, it's attached to a person so they know it's real."  I wish here I could insert my facial expression at that time.  Because I was in absolute awe!  My 14 year old son just said that.  Here I was making it way more complicated and feeling upset about it and he just gave me exactly what I needed to keep pushing forward.  I mean I know it's not gossip; it's spreading the Gospel and talking Jesus from my perspective and life experiences.

 

My intentions were for it to be real and raw.  While so many things are out of our hands; spreading the Gospel and talking Jesus is not one of them.  Raising our children to be Godly people is not one of them.  I'm not raising pansies, millennials or kids that can't make their own decisions in life.  They are learning the facts of life, the Truth of the Bible.  They are learning that God has your back when no one else does.  But they are also learning that if they have someone in their life that doesn't know how to make their own decisions or even how they want to identify; That Jesus tells us to love them anyway.  

 

At the age of 4 years old when DJ lost his baby lamb to sickness, he cried and stated, "I want to go to heaven with my lamb."  At the age of almost 5 years old DJ lost his Memaw; his Great Grandmother on his Dad's side of the family.  I will never, ever for as long as I live forget the day I had to break that news to my baby boy.  He looked at me with those big blue eyes and he said while crying, "NO, I want to go to."  Then at the age of 9 years old he had a horrible four wheeler accident and the doctors told us it was a miracle that he survived.  He had so many injuries including a punctured lung, fractured neck, broke shoulder, broke ribs, a concussion and road rash from head to toe.  He also had so much muscle and tissue damage that he needed extra fluids to flush it from his body but this was extremely dangerous for his lungs.  But during this time he was never scared and most of the time stated he wasn't in pain.  Then at the age of 12 years old he lost his "best pal" his "Bitty Paw" which was his Great Grandfather on his Dad's side of the family.  This man meant the world to DJ and had been bringing him ice cream cones since he was old enough to, well open his mouth really.  But this time it was different...DJ knew he was in a better place, DJ knew in his heart he would see him again someday.  DJ knew he was healed and his mind was right again.  He understands now because we have instilled that in him.  

 

I say all of this today to say our kids brains are like sponges.  They soak up everything around them.  Don't let the world develop their brains.  You help them develop their brains and become themselves.  It took this 14 year old Birthday Boy that's turning into a Gentle Giant, with his mind that isn't corrupt with all this junk in our world to say to his mom, "Hey chin up, their reading it because it's real."  

So to all the parents out there:  listen to your kids too.  They are wiser than you think, they hear more than you think, they see more than you think and they give good advice too.

                                                                                                         

My Birthday Boy!!

Happy 14th Birthday!!

We love you to the heavens and back!!

                                                                                                            G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                        Melissa Harris

A Strong Man!

So I could have written this about a lot of strong men in my life but when I think of a good, strong man, one particular person sticks out in my mind.  This person has been through a lot in his life.  Things from car accidents that most people wouldn't have survived all the way to a heart attack which ended with four stents.  He is a son, brother, husband, father, brother in law, son in law and uncle.  He is always there to help people when no one else is around.  He is tender hearted; even though he doesn't show it sometimes, you can see it.  He is an amazing diesel mechanic, wise beyond his years.  He is a wonderful husband and a great father to his three children.  He always makes sure they have their needs and most of their wants. 

Living on "Harris Hill" I always referred to him as my big brother because I was the oldest sibling.  We have always been able to talk about anything, just the two of us.  Even if it just meant riding around this little town listening to the radio together.  He was and is the big, strong brother I needed in my life.  The older sibling I didn't have.  It's no secret that he gets kidney stones regularly but it doesn't stop him from doing what needs to be done.  They say that's equivalent to having a baby for a man; I don't know about you, but I ain't about to work and deliver no baby!  

He is the most laid back person I think I know.  I mean just whatever.  But if he's got a job to do, he does it, with his whole heart.  If he tells someone he's coming to do something; he does it, with his whole heart.  Today I want to remind him of our little talks with a bible verse since life gets so busy and we don't get to actually take those rides anymore:

          And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

                         Colossians 3:23-24 KJV

"Good things come to those that wait patiently"....Love you brother!

                                                                                                                             G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                                          Melissa Harris

I chose this photo because he is our "Warrior"!

Nevermind the gray...I told you he was wise beyond his years!!

Strength

Where do you find your strength?  God?  Your spouse?  Your children?  Your parents?  I think I would have to say all of those give me strength.  If I'm having a bad day I look for bible verses to help me or I crank up my Christian play list as loud as I can.  If I'm feeling overwhelmed and defeated I talk to my husband, aka the Pastor.  If I'm feeling down and just in a "blah" mood I talk and play with my kids.  They always do or say something silly and it cheers me up.  If I'm feeling sad or just overwhelmed with life's sorrows, my mom always has a shoulder for me.  Even my In-Laws are always available for strength when I need to talk to them.

So Strength also leads me to:  Everyone has Somebody.  Somebody that you can talk to if you need to.  God is always there and you don't even need a phone.  You don't need anything, just talk to him.  He listens and he will answer you.  But if you feel you aren't ready to talk to him, you have someone that you can talk to.  Every once in awhile everyone needs strength, courage and hope restored inside of them to keep pushing forward.  Especially during these days that we are living in currently.  So make sure you reach out, reach up and keeping moving forward so your not going down.  Keep your strength in check!

 

                                                                                                                    G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                                  Melissa Harris 

Assignments

Do we follow through with assignments God gives us?  Many of us are called to preach, sing, teach, play piano and so many more.  But do we follow through with what he assigns us?  If he assigns something to you he must have chose you because he saw something in you that you didn't see in yourself.  Much like our fingerprints, each person has their own unique fingerprints, on one else has that same set of prints.  So if he gave you an assignment he chose you based on your heart, no one else has the same heart as you.  Wow, that speaks volumes!  Never thought of it that way before...have you?  

So when he gives us an assignment do we follow through?  Do we follow through giving it all we got? Do we go in head first and dive right in?  Do we do anything at all?  Do we say why did you chose me? Do we just say I'm not ready for this?  

What if on your day of home going he looks at you and says, "wait my child, I'm not ready for you." Not meaning you will return to Earth but you will wait in the middle?  Wow, that speaks volumes as well...I want to be welcomed with open arms and hear, "Job well done my child."

What has he assigned you?  What has he asked you to do?  Are you doing it?  Are you going to keep putting it off?

                                                                                                                        G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                                     Melissa Harris

Trust the process

Sometimes in life things happen that we can't control.  Sometimes in life things happen that we can control but they quickly get out of control.  Sometimes for awhile we think we have control of the situation but eventually we realize we don't.  Then we decide that we need a change.  We start to look ahead, look for other doors to open.  Look for other opportunities.  TRUST THE PROCESS.  Sometimes it can be a long, dreadful journey that seems to drag on but it's also a  beautiful journey.  When you get to the end and see what you have accomplished; it's amazing.

When your test turns into a testimony; it speaks for itself.  Even when your on the mountain top you still experience days in the valley but TRUST THE PROCESS.  God's got this or you wouldn't be where your at.  God's got this or you wouldn't have made it to the mountain top.  Continue to Trust THE PROCESS and TRUST IN HIM.  

This is just another small valley to get to another huge mountain top.  TRUST THE PROCESS.  Don't let Satan win this small battle because you already won the WAR with him.

Love your big sister

                                                                                                                        G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                                      Melissa Harris

"The day Satan knew he lost you"

Armor of God!

The Shield of Faith, one of the many pieces of Armor, is to guard us from a oncoming attack.  When Satan sees those that are living unrighteous, he isn't worried about them.  He's worried about you!  That's right, you; your trying to do better, going to church, reading God's word, sharing it with your children and he's hunting.  He's telling you those lies again.  Your not good enough, you will never be good enough, your not accepted, you will never be accepted, you can't do this, you will never do this and you aren't strong enough.  These are daggers that he is throwing straight to your heart and your mind.  Put on your Armor for God and STOP Him!!  Your Shield of Faith will block these daggers from getting to your heart.  

Your Helmet of Salvation will stop these mind games that he plays with his victims.  Put it on so he can't try to convince you that you aren't enough.  Sister, you are Enough!  Don't let him do it to you anymore.  God equipped us with everything that we need, we just have to put it on.  

Your Breastplate of Righteousness is to guard your heart from those daggers.  Because let's admit the heart takes heavy blows but after so many it wears out.  It leaves holes in our hearts that seem hard to heal.  With this piece of Armor he can't reach your heart.  

 

Your Belt of Truth, well it holds everything together.  Just like God's word helps hold us together.  It prevents Satan from twisting things and making us believe them.

Your Feet fitted with the Gospel of Peace is your boots to spread the word of God.  Tell everyone what he has done for you, your family and what he has brought you out of.  It's okay if you can't yet, he understands.  He will give you strength to shout it from the rooftops soon enough.

Your Sword of the Spirit is to represent your bible or the Word of God.  No warrior would go to battle without their weapon.  God's word is alive, loud and a mighty weapon when coming against any weakness you have and especially when Satan attacks.  So today Sister, I say put on your Armor of God and go to Battle.  He can't defeat you, you have God on your side.  

                                                                                                                                  G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                                                Melissa Harris

Heaven...Can you Imagine?

What do you think of when you think of Heaven?  I picture our one true Father with arms wide open welcoming us home.  I picture angels with gorgeous fluffy wings flying all over and through the clouds.  I picture streets of gold for miles and miles.  I picture the reunion with loved ones that have gone before us as the most glorious reunion ever. 

I picture mother's and father's meeting their children that were to precious for Earth at all for the first time.  Can you imagine that reunion?  I imagine siblings meeting siblings that were to precious for Earth at all for the first time.  Can you imagine that reunion?  I imagine children meeting their grandparents they never got to meet for the first time.  Can you imagine that reunion?  I imagine children meeting their mother's and father's for the first time that they never got to meet or weren't old enough to remember.  Can you imagine that reunion?  

I picture huge lakes and ponds to fish in.  I picture massive amounts of land to hunt on.  I picture huge tables to eat together.  I picture joyful music being played all the time.  I picture no one having pains, illnesses or burdens.  I picture no more bullying, name calling, drug abuse or alcohol abuse.  I picture no more child abuse, spouse abuse, or racism.  I picture pastures full of beautiful animals and family pets back with their families.  

If none of this is true...if none of this is possible...Then why does the bible say he will prepare us a place?  Why does it say there are many rooms?  Why does it say there are streets of gold?

                                                                                                         G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                        Melissa Harris

Weeds vs. Flowers

We are all flowers picked by God and placed on this Earth to provide peace, beauty and grace.  But, sometimes you run into folks that chose to be "WEEDS."  Well sister, I say if they want to be a weed in a garden full of flowers, "Let them be."  Weeds in a garden wither and dry up or they try to grow and taker over the whole garden.  Don't let the weeds take you over!  Don't let their negative energy overtake your positive energy.  Don't let their "glass half empty" overtake your "glass half full".  Let your "cup continue to runneth over."  Show them that being a flower is so much more fun.  Even more rewarding than anyone can imagine.  

See weeds are one in the same with bullies.  If you show them that what they say doesn't bother you and just smile.  They eventually stop what they are doing because you show them it doesn't bother you.  Show them grace, mercy and keep your faith.  Let God handle the weeds.  He will, again it may not be in our time here on earth but one day they will stand face to face with him and answer for everything they put you through.  

Beautiful girl, you were put on this Earth to do great and wonderful things.  When life gives you lemons make some lemonade.  When life gives you rainy days just learn to dance in it.  When life knocks you down just remember to always get back up.  See it's not about the fall or the feelings; it's about the comeback!!  Always remember to talk to God about every situation and ask yourself, what would he do?  

So you continue being you.  Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  The only person's opinion you should care about is there always, Just look up!  Just be you!  Don't try to fit in...just because.  Be you!!  You make people want to be like you!!  Always keep Faith, Courage and Strength and Let God Do The Rest!  And know that your family is always here for you no matter what!

Love,

Aunt Lissa

                                                                                                                        G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                                      Melissa Harris

If you aren't special then why is your name Melanie Grace?

Grace=Filled with God's favor or help!

Love you Gracie Bug

Smile!!

Have you ever noticed how contagious a smile is?  It's like the laugh of a toddler; they laugh and you smile and laugh.  It's like hearing your child laugh and laughing because it's so cute and funny.  If you have never heard my father in law laugh, well...your just missing out because he laughs so hard he can' talk or breath and then everyone else is laughing just as hard.  Smiles are the same way.  Just as contagious. 

A simple smile can change someone's whole mood for the day.  Maybe they had a bad morning.  Nothing awful, just a bad morning where nothing was going right and you smile at them and they say to thyself, Okay "Today is going to be a good day."  It's that easy to change someone's mood or outlook for their day.  

It's just like with our children.  If we spend all morning hollering and screaming at them then more than likely they are going to go to school in a bad mood and not have a good day.  But waking them up and speaking love language to them and smiling they are going to have a good day.  It's the same way for adults.  If employees are spoken to harshly and treated harshly they aren't going to be happy and they aren't going to perform good work.  If the employees are treated respectfully and with smiles then they have better days and perform better work.  

Smiles can go a long way and in many different directions.  See a text or a message can be perceived in so many ways even if it doesn't mean anything out of the way, but a smile says it all.  There is no questioning what it actually means.

 

                                                                                                              G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                            Melissa Harris 

"My Ferdinand"

I will go ahead and admit this one is going to be mushy and sappy.  When we found out at just about 4 weeks that I was pregnant with DJ we were overjoyed.  I took the test and it read negative.  Got a shower and got out and decided to look again and it said, "positive".  We were celebrating together in the bathroom of our first family home and already crying.  The weeks seemed to drag by.  Upon his arrival me and his dad cried like babies ourselves.  In shock and awe, at what God had provided us with.  What he had trusted us with.  

His dad had prayed for a Alabama Linebacker and myself, I had prayed for a, Mommas Boy.  Well we ended up with both.  He is about to turn 14 years old on March 29 this year and he is a very handsome young man.  He is 5' 11", wearing a men's size 12 shoe and weighs around 210 lbs.  I would say his dad got his Linebacker. 

He is and always has been close to me.  Even when I don't say something is wrong, he still knows.  Sometimes it seems he knows me better than his dad; I guess maybe he should considering he's one of the only two that know the sound of my heart from the inside as well as the outside.  But even more than all of that he has a heart bigger than his body.  He always takes everyone else's feelings into consideration before himself.  He's always looking out for the little guy.  He's always asking what he can do to help others.  He never fails to tell someone about Jesus.  He never fails to tell someone about his prayers to get his baby sister, despite wanting a brother.  He never fails to tell someone about his Faith in God.

When he's playing any sport he's always the guy trying to cheer everyone up, keep spirits up, keep everyone going/encouraged; even if he hasn't played one second in the game.  He's always looking for ways to improve himself.  But with all his manly and Godly ways he never fails to respond back, "I love you too, mom."  He doesn't mind me kissing his cheek or his forehead.  He doesn't mind our sometimes awkward hugs.  I believe the reason for this is because in his almost 14 years here on earth so far he has experienced a lot of loss and pain.  But he has also gained Faith, Courage, Strength, Hope and a everlasting relationship with God far beyond his years.  

So every chance that I get to stand next to my Ferdinand as he begins to tower over me now....I will.  With his hands that are so much larger than mine now; if I want to hold his hand or hold him close for while; he doesn't mind because he knows how his mom is about her boy.  I also remind him how bold he is.  I remind him of his courage, strength, faith, and hope.  I remind him to continue standing up for the little guy.  I remind him to keep cheering others on.  I remind him to always look out for his sister.  I remind him to always spend time with his grandparents because one day he want have that.  I remind him to often stop and smell the flowers and don't forget to see God in everything.

But most importantly I remind him to never lose sight of God no matter what any outcome maybe in life.  I remind him that any situation he goes through in life God will see him through; just keep holding his hand and letting him walk with you.  But if you do slip, he will still be there to catch you when you fall and so will I.  

Love, Mom

                                                                                                         G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                       Melissa Harris

Phil 4:13

Siblings=Rocks!

I have a younger sister and a baby brother.  Two people that I would go to the ends of the Earth for.  Two people that I would move Heaven and Earth for.  Two people that growing up I fought with, shared beds with, shared rooms with and protecting from anything and everything I could.  At a certain point in life when they decided to make decisions of their own I realized I couldn't always protect them.  I had to let them fall so they could fly again. 

For many years we didn't have the close bond that we did as children.  It was a very difficult situation for us all I believe.  Now we are closer than I think we have ever been before.  I don't regret the time that we lost as I can see where it got us.  If it weren't for the time apart that we had, who knows where we would be.  

 

They say that I have always been a rock for them, but the truth is they have always been "my rock."  They were my drive in life to do better, to be better.  See I knew growing up that if something ever happened to my parents and being the oldest sibling I would have to be their "Guardian", their "Protector".  Even if I wasn't 18 years old I would at some point reach that age and if it meant working more than one job I would do whatever it would take to get them.  

 

I would fight for them, "tooth and nail," to keep them out of any foster home or foster care.  I would give them everything that they would have had down to making sure that Christmas was just like my mom would have wanted it to be. 

See at a young age when you lose people that you care for, things like this come to mind.  Life really hits you right in the face and wakes you up.  You realize just how fragile and short life can be.  Sometimes tragedy teaches us far more than we realize until later in life.  So this didn't occur to me until recently after we all realized that we lost friends at early ages and how we all came back to each other and realized we are each others "Rocks".  

So to our parents:  Thank you for your sacrifices in developing this unbreakable bond.  It began with the both of you!  Thank you for putting up with our many fights, sleepless nights and everything in between.  You guys are the boulder from which our rocks came!!  We love you!!

                                                                                                         G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                       Melissa Harris 

He begs us; pleads with us!

Everyday I talk to my baby sister on the phone.  Most days it's something hilarious she is calling me about that her and the kids have done or something that has happened on their little farm.  Yesterday while talking to her my nephew was not wanting to get dressed and he likes to play this little game where they holler at each other.  Kind of like fussing at each other.  It's hilarious!  He laughs the whole time.  He does it on purpose and she just hollers back at him.  Of course you know he's a boy. He wants to get dressed and go outside but he is being disobediently funny.   

It got me thinking.  This is how God is with us.  His children.  He talks to us, he walks with us and sometimes when you feel that pull to do better, to be a better you, to do something for someone; that's God hollering at you.  Begging you, pleading with you:  Wake up my child!  Do as I say my child! 

And this is how we are disobedient.  We want all of the things he offers but we want to continue to do the things that we want to do.  We want to continue to do the things that we do and get the rewards that he offers later.  Forgetting that tomorrow isn't promised.  Today is the day to be obedient.  Today is the day to walk with him and listen to him.  Today is the day to follow him.

                                                                                                              G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                            Melissa Harris

Chin up....Warriors. Battle is won!!

Satan thought he could win this battle.  He thought he could shake your faith.  He thought he could discourage you.  He thought he could strip you of your strength.  But he didn't.  The battle is won.  You kept on your full Armor of God and kept on the narrow trail and fought the entire battle.  You showed him that you would keep your faith, keep your strength and courage.  So chin up and heads held high. You have a victory walk to take.

Some of you young men were "Boys of Fall" with Jackson and you knew his love of all things sports related.  As you continue your lives you will also continue to play offense and defense.  Play it as Jackson would.  Live like Jackson.  Carry forth his Legacy.

Some of you young ladies were "Girls of Fall" with Jackson and you also knew his love of all things sports related.  As you continue your lives you will continue to make decisions like whether to "cheer for someone" or not too.  Choose to cheer for them like Jackson would.  Live like Jackson.  Carry forth his Legacy.  

Many of you if not all of you knew his love for all things outdoors.  As you continue your lives use it, use the outdoors to spend time with God, use it to spend time with your families, use it to acknowledge all of God's beauty and use it to continue to live like Jackson.  Carry forth his Legacy.  

                                                                     

                                   

                                                                                                           G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                        Melissa Harris

Sparta Academy Senior Class of 2021

I want to express my deepest sympathies to you all.  Most people don't know what it feels like to lose a friend.  Someone you consider a brother or sister.  Someone you have shared secrets and deep fears with.  Someone that has been through thick and thin with you.  Someone who has been at every birthday party and every other celebration with you.  Someone who has cried tears with you. 

See at a young age I lost not one but two friends and both of my siblings lost friends at very young ages as well.  So we see your pain and we have felt your pain.  I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better but the truth is, there isn't.  Only time will heal your broken hearts.

But Jackson equipped all of you with the tools needed for healing.  God gave him an assignment and he went above and beyond that assignment.  In his final days with you all, he attended prom and showed you just how much strength and courage he had.  While he was in pain and not feeling well I'm sure he still showed that "Million Dollar Smile" a few times.

I leave with you these things to consider:  It's my understanding that you are the largest class to graduate Sparta Academy.  So God used Jackson to instill all of these things deep in your roots for you to carry with you throughout your lives.  So that means 27 students lives changed forever when Jackson Conway was placed in their lives.  Not only your lives but your families, your relatives and everyone that you will share Jackson's Legacy with throughout your life.  So as you look at yourselves and each other daily and see the positive impact Jackson made on your life and others lives; remember what an impact you can continue to make on and in this World just by spreading Jackson's Priceless Faith, Strength and Courage.  See Jackson completed his assignment and now it's your turn to continue the assignment by spreading Jackson's Legacy.  

Keep with you all the memories you have and that you shared together; those are important.  You will never forget Jackson, Chloe, Kristy or Terry for as long as you live.  That I can promise you.  Not a year goes by that myself, my siblings and our friends don't remember our friends that were called home before us.  Also take from this that you all had his back, he had yours and TOGETHER you have all made the most EPIC Graduation Speech of all time.  No speech will ever top what you have all been through and accomplished together as a family.

                                                                                                         G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                       Melissa Harris

Million Dollar Smile....Priceless Faith, Strength & Courage

I have been thinking about this since yesterday.  Stumbling over the right words to say.  Words that will hopefully bring some comfort and peace in knowing that Jackson, "Our Warrior", "Our Leader" of Team Jackson, has won his battle.

 

As I drove yesterday to pick the kids up from school I passed their home and noticed the overwhelming amount of love and support being shown to their family.  As I continued my drive I noticed something else, I couldn't hear birds chirping and I didn't see any squirrels playing as I normally do on my daily travel to the school.  Then I realized why!  The birds had no reason to chirp.  The trumpets were rejoicing so loudly from heavens gates that the birds knew there was no point in making a sound.  Even the squirrels were at a standstill.  There was a peace and calmness over the whole City of Evergreen it seemed.  

Even now as we question the whys, the what ifs and could haves we can rest assured knowing that Jackson is completely healed, whole again and wearing that "Million Dollar Smile".  I didn't know Jackson personally and only got to meet him briefly a few times but you didn't have to meet him to know who he was.  He was a child of God with a tremendous amount of Faith, Courage, Strength and Love.  He was not a selfish person and he was full of Grace.  I completed every assignment that God had given him and done it wearing that, "Million Dollar Smile."  

Jackson has built a Team of prayer warriors on this earth, he built a class of prayer warriors, he built a school of prayer warriors, and he built a community of prayer warriors.  I think he done a lot for the Kingdom of God.  He went through more than a lot of us will in a lifetime, in a short amount of time, but he also accomplished more than most of us will in a lifetime. 

While he was here he also developed bonds with 27 students.  27 students that had his back from the beginning all the way through his final healing.  Those 27 students are now brothers and sisters that will be here to protect his sister Chloe, just like he would.  Those 27 students will also be here for his parents throughout the years checking on them.  Those 27 students will carry his Legacy, Faith, Strength, Courage and Grace with them for the rest of their lives.

But not just those 27 students; he showed the whole school.  But not just the school; he showed the community.  But not just the community; he showed the World!!!  

Gone but never forgotten.  Class of 2021 Sparta Warriors.  #15

2 Timothy 4:7-8

"Smile that could light up any dark room"

"Team Jackson"

"He never gave up"

"Million Dollar Smile"

"Jackson's Team"

"Building Faith"

"Community Outpouring"

"Family"

The Sunset on the day of Jackson's "Home Going"

"Million Dollar Smile"

                                                                                                  G. P. W. L.

                                                                                                 Melissa Harris